Support

10:49 PM (CD4)

I want to first say ... GO CANADA! What a game and congratulations to all of our athletes! Great games this year and such a great way to wrap it all up!

So, I don't have much to report other that I posted my blog to Facebook and the response was great. I really have a lot of great people in my life and a lot of support. I didn't forget that, but it really made me see that I am not alone in this and that I am a part of a much larger community than I realized.

I've read and heard a lot of successes, but the road to success was that of bumps, curves, roadblocks and potholes. It makes me really happy to know that with a lot of heartache comes great joy and that maybe a tougher road traveled means you appreciate what you have or end up getting so much more.

I think that's how I'll choose to look at this from now on :)

So to everyone that read my blog so far and to those that reached out, I thank you so much. It's more motivation to keep going!

Night all!

CD3

11:05 AM

I've been reading a lot about other fertility treatment experiences, and I can't help but think this first go is going to be unsuccessful. I'm only on 50 mg of Clomid and my cycle has been really strange. I started spotting on the 14th and continued to spot on and off for 4 days. On day 4 I had blood work done and the results were similar to what my day 3 should be, so the doctor said to start Clomid on day 5. Everyone kept referring to this as a random start ... which no one took the time to explain, so I will be asking questions. 

I'm also currently taking 2000 mg of Metformin which I believe has helped me finally get a cycle on my own. It's been almost 2 years since I've had a bleed without Provera. However, it looks like because this last bleed was weird, I'll probably still have to take it to induce my AF. I start my cycle monitoring on 2/27, so we'll see if anything has responded. I'm cautiously optimistic about the results. I'm trying really hard not to get too excited :S

The u/s technician also said that my lining looks like I have polyps. I was aware that this could happen, but it's one more thing that I am worried about. 

I also read on another blog that 200 mg of Clomid was suggested, but my doctor said that 150 mg was as high as I would go. Has anyone had success with a dosage higher than 150 mg? I'm curious because I'm hesitant to start injections. 

Right now I feel like I need to reassess my thinking and focus on some other activities otherwise this is going to quickly consume my thoughts. 

I will continue to update any changes that I may observe over the next few days before the monitoring starts. So far nothing to note. 

Day 3! It begins!

10:31 PM

Good evening Blog World!

So after a few days of doctors appointments and tests, I got word from the fertility clinic that today is my day 3 and I can start taking Clomid! 

I've been anticipating this day for almost a year and am ecstatic that we're here.

I will be taking the Clomid for 5 days now and then go back to the clinic on my day 10 to begin cycle monitoring. 

During our consultation we were given multiple choices as far as fertility treatment goes. Andrew and I opted for the most natural and least expensive option to start with (why not, it might work). We chose to start with the fertility drugs and intercourse with no injections. My hope is that we conceive our baby as naturally as possible, and right now I'm hoping that the first option works because the whole process quickly becomes mechanical and I don't want to lose the chance to conceive a baby out of love. We will see though :)

I also received some other good news yesterday. I don't have osteoarthritis as originally thought. I went to the specialist and my x-ray's and bone scan came back fine. There will be more investigation now because he thinks it may be my nerves, but he said that it's great news that it isn't my bones. So I will take his word for it and celebrate it! :)

For the first time in almost two years it feels like my health, finances, stress level, job, relationship are all coming together. I say this hesitantly as I have felt this way before shortly before everything came crashing down, though I do feel like I am in a better place now to deal with obstacles. 

Diabetes for example was quite a blow. I hate the disease, but at the same time must embrace it and not let it defeat me. Simply, because I have no other options. I'd like to say that I think like this 100% of the time, but the reality is that I don't. I can get into a slump sometimes and wish it wasn't happening to me or that if I could go back in time, I would do things differently. It is so easy to get caught up in thinking like this and get myself to a point where I can believe that it's possible or that I have nothing to worry about. The hardest part is reminding myself that I am still young, I'm not 80 and if I want a long life, I have to make the crucial changes now because I have a long go at this. It's not how I envisioned my life, but to be honest, nothing in my life up until this point has been. Time to stop envisioning and start living in the moment. (There we go, new goal to add for this year).

With all that being said, right now is a good time to give myself a lecture on how I have been eating lately. Recently I have lost 14 lbs, but I have this tendency to be satisfied with a small amount of success and stop focusing on my original goal. In my head I know that it's a stupid way of thinking, however the convenience of that Big Mac can easily overtake my will power. So this is me committing to my original goal of becoming healthier and building a safe and healthy home for our future baby.

Well, I think that's it for now. 

Until next time blog world!

First entry ... unsure how to do this!

February 18, 2014
7:02 PM

Hello Blog world! I'm completely new to this, so we'll see how this goes! I've always kept a journal (or many of them) throughout the years, so why not post one to the world!

The main purpose of this blog is to share my journey to a family. I figure it's easier to pick one subject rather than my entire life, because that would be a novel. My hope is to share my story to other in similar situations and to help me put my thoughts out there to help cope with a lot of worry, fear and excitement.

I guess this is where I'll share some information about myself. My name is Sonja, I'm 26 and I live in Hamilton. I am happily married to my husband Andrew and we currently have a dog child named Lexxie. Andrew and I were married in May of 2011 and have been together since December 2009. Lexxie is 2.5 years and she is the love of my life.

This is a picture of her.

Our baby Lexxie (2.5 year old Black Lab)

Andrew and I are hoping that 2014 will be our year. We are trying to start our family, but it has proven to be somewhat difficult and even though we are at the start of our journey, the feeling of defeat is hard to overcome. The constant overwhelming feeling of "why me" and "it's never going to happen to us" can sometimes be so consuming - to the point where we are questioning whether we even want to go ahead with this. What would it be like with just him and I (and a few dozen dogs) for the rest of our lives?

In the moment that question is fun to play out, but after a while can become very depressing. My only want in life is to become a mother. That is my dream. If this doesn't happen for us, will I ever find an alternative? These are the troublesome thoughts that are constantly running through my mind. I wish this were easy, but I feel like I have a lesson coming my way to learn. After all, my entire life, I have always found the hard way to do anything. My family and friends will attest to this.

Up to this point, Andrew and I have already gone through dozens of doctor appointments, test and diagnosis. We are not really just beginning this journey. It has actually already been about 2 years. You have to go a certain length of time before you get diagnosed with infertility. 

So now, we're seeing a fertility specialist, and we're putting a lot of faith in our clinic. I have primary infertility (which means I have never been pregnant before and we have been trying for over a year without anything catching). I have also gone through two biopsies, a lot of prodding and more blood work than you can imagine! Luckily the biopsy came back a'ok, which means we have the green light to start treatment. 

I also have PCOS (poly-cystic-ovarian-syndrome) and this is the main reason for my fertility challenges. The PCOS also helped me to get Type 2 Diabetes (which I am still having a hard time with acknowledging). I was diagnosed with both of these officially on October 16th of 2013. I have been taking Metformin to help with balancing hormones and dealing with my sugar levels. I was operating at a very high blood glucose level, but I am happy to say that since being diagnosed with Diabetes, I have lost 14 lbs, am much healthier and have my sugar levels under control. It will be a lifetime battle, but I will deal with it. 

So with all of this wonderful news in the past few months and the roller coaster of thinking we're pregnant and then the DREADFUL negative pregnancy test, you could say I've been a TON of fun to be around. Mainly for Andrew as he seems to get the brunt of my emotions sometimes (oops!). I'm usually a fun and happy-go-lucky kind of person, but the stress is catching up! And that led me to this blog. I have always found a lot of peace with getting it out on paper. 

So blog world, you are going to help me de-stress (wooooo-saaaaw) <-- or something like that!