7:02 PM
Hello Blog world! I'm completely new to this, so we'll see how this goes! I've always kept a journal (or many of them) throughout the years, so why not post one to the world!
The main purpose of this blog is to share my journey to a family. I figure it's easier to pick one subject rather than my entire life, because that would be a novel. My hope is to share my story to other in similar situations and to help me put my thoughts out there to help cope with a lot of worry, fear and excitement.
I guess this is where I'll share some information about myself. My name is Sonja, I'm 26 and I live in Hamilton. I am happily married to my husband Andrew and we currently have a dog child named Lexxie. Andrew and I were married in May of 2011 and have been together since December 2009. Lexxie is 2.5 years and she is the love of my life.
This is a picture of her.
Our baby Lexxie (2.5 year old Black Lab)
Andrew and I are hoping that 2014 will be our year. We are trying to start our family, but it has proven to be somewhat difficult and even though we are at the start of our journey, the feeling of defeat is hard to overcome. The constant overwhelming feeling of "why me" and "it's never going to happen to us" can sometimes be so consuming - to the point where we are questioning whether we even want to go ahead with this. What would it be like with just him and I (and a few dozen dogs) for the rest of our lives?
In the moment that question is fun to play out, but after a while can become very depressing. My only want in life is to become a mother. That is my dream. If this doesn't happen for us, will I ever find an alternative? These are the troublesome thoughts that are constantly running through my mind. I wish this were easy, but I feel like I have a lesson coming my way to learn. After all, my entire life, I have always found the hard way to do anything. My family and friends will attest to this.
Up to this point, Andrew and I have already gone through dozens of doctor appointments, test and diagnosis. We are not really just beginning this journey. It has actually already been about 2 years. You have to go a certain length of time before you get diagnosed with infertility.
So now, we're seeing a fertility specialist, and we're putting a lot of faith in our clinic. I have primary infertility (which means I have never been pregnant before and we have been trying for over a year without anything catching). I have also gone through two biopsies, a lot of prodding and more blood work than you can imagine! Luckily the biopsy came back a'ok, which means we have the green light to start treatment.
I also have PCOS (poly-cystic-ovarian-syndrome) and this is the main reason for my fertility challenges. The PCOS also helped me to get Type 2 Diabetes (which I am still having a hard time with acknowledging). I was diagnosed with both of these officially on October 16th of 2013. I have been taking Metformin to help with balancing hormones and dealing with my sugar levels. I was operating at a very high blood glucose level, but I am happy to say that since being diagnosed with Diabetes, I have lost 14 lbs, am much healthier and have my sugar levels under control. It will be a lifetime battle, but I will deal with it.
So with all of this wonderful news in the past few months and the roller coaster of thinking we're pregnant and then the DREADFUL negative pregnancy test, you could say I've been a TON of fun to be around. Mainly for Andrew as he seems to get the brunt of my emotions sometimes (oops!). I'm usually a fun and happy-go-lucky kind of person, but the stress is catching up! And that led me to this blog. I have always found a lot of peace with getting it out on paper.
So blog world, you are going to help me de-stress (wooooo-saaaaw) <-- or something like that!
Today I went for blood work that confirmed I am not pregnant (no big surprise there) and that I was infact at the beginning of my cycle.
Tomorrow I start cycle monitoring to tell me exactly when to start the Clomid which will help me to ovulate, and if everything is on my side ... we'll get pregnant this first round! I would love to write in here in a months time that we are pregnant, but the realist in me says that I know it's going to be a journey, which is why I am writing.
Anyway, tomorrow marks the official beginning of the process, the beginning of the roller coaster, and the beginning of baby bank roll. Initially it isn't expensive to be going to a fertility clinic, but during the consultation you quickly understand how others have spent 10's of thousands of dollars! ... And this prompts the question, should Andrew and I put a cap on time or $'s? When do we quit before we have devoting the best part of our lives to making a family. My heart says I will never give up, but my head says that it may be unrealistic to think that way.
I've run out of time to write! I must walk the dog and then go to my Swim Fit! Must keep losing weight and getting healthy!
Good night blog world!
